"You Will Blow the Doors off Hell"

My buddy the "Green Card Guy" (see previous post) approached me about my relgious beliefs (or lack there of).

"Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior yet?" 

"No, I don't believe in religion.  But, I respect everyone's right to believe and worship as he or she so chooses."  I tried to soften my hedonistic blow just a little.

"Well I tell you what young lady, if you don't change your mind soon and accept Him as your Lord and Savior you are gonna blow the doors right off of hell." He didn't mince words and I kind of liked that about him.  Sure I would be banished to the fiery pits of eternal damnation but at least he thought I would make a grand entrance.  I thought that was a compliment.  It wasn't.

"What do you think hell is?" I asked Green Card Guy

"It's complete darkness where you have no connection to the light of our Lord.  Its a terrible place and you will be sorry."

I get that I should have been offended but I wasn't. "Well, Mr Green Card Guy (obviously, I used his real name here), I am so honored that you are concerned with my salvation.  That means a lot to me."  I smiled sweetly and walked away.  It was not the response he was expecting, but it was a perfect one if I may say so myself.

I don't understand why hell is the go to response when a "believer" meets a "non-believer".  Its like a kid on the playground that threatens another kid for having red hair.  It won't make the weaker kid's hair grow back a different color regardless of how many slugs he gets.  Threatening me with eternal damnation isn't going to suddenly make the Jesus myth seem reasonable to me.

"You say I am going to hell?  Well, that changes everything!  Quick someone get me a rosary stat!"

All my coworkers think I am going to hell.  Maybe I am sick, but I love to play that up.  I say things like "you know how I'm going to hell anyway..."  their response is unanimously "yes".  Like anything I say or do is somehow clouded by how I have no sense of morality because I don't love Jesus. Or at least I don't love him anymore than Zeus or Brahma or any other religious character.

I think it bothers them that I don't fit into some stereotype of what an irreligious person should be.  For a few of them I am the first atheist to cross their path.  They think we are all sitting around getting high and touching ourselves to images of Satan, or worse Bill Maher.  Maybe I am supposed to have fangs and a few face tattoos.  I don't know what they expected, but I am obviously not it. That's what makes this so much fun.